FOWL Play Indeed, METH Head Fornicates With Chicken!

SCREW HITTING ON BIRDS AT KFC HE SAID

BUCKAWWWW!  Perhaps a sound such as this was heard at the farm where alleged Meth Head who we’ll leave nameless here, has been charged with a crime most fowl: sexually assaulting a chicken.

It has not been said if the chicken was male or female, surely if male and a rooster, twould be a bit rough on his reputation round the hen house.

The story also did not confirm if it were possible that the perpetrator then let out a loud ER ERRR ERRRRRRR! after the conquest, or whether if was a hen he was with, had she laid an egg, and would said egg yield a meth-head chicken person?  Some Oregon people certainly do look like meth-head chicken-people but we’re not 100% sure why.

Alas the story is better told by the fine publication that originated it, The Daily Mail: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4470146/Meth-addict-charged-sexually-assaulting-chicken.html

Oh wait a second, buckawww, it was initially reported here: Mail Tribune.

An Oregon man with a history of methamphetamine addiction and mental health problems has been charged with a crime most foul: sexually assaulting a chicken.

Joshua Woltmon, 27, of Medford, was arrested on Monday evening on a slew of charges, including sexual assault of an animal, menacing, public indecency, disorderly conduct, theft and possession of methamphetamine, among others.

According to court filings, Woltmon exposed himself and came into contact with a chicken’s genitals. The 27-year-old man is also accused of threatening a man with sharp sticks.

The court documents describe how the 5-foot-6, 155-pound man ‘unlawfully and for the purpose of arousing and gratifying the sexual desire of a person [touched] the sex organs of a chicken, reported Mail Tribune.

NOT THE VICTIM

Woltmon was taken into custody shortly after 6pm Monday in the 500 block of South Riverside Drive in Medford following his alleged encounter with the hen.

On Tuesday, Woltmon pleaded not guilty to the eight criminal counts filed against him and was ordered held on $25,000 bail.

Online records indicate that Woltmon has been arrested more than a dozen times over the last three years on a variety of charges, including assault, harassment, possession of meth and trespassing.

OregonLive.com reported that in a 2014 guardianship case, Woltmon was described as having the mind of a 7-year-old and suffering from bipolar disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and unable to make informed decisions.

If Woltmon makes bail, he will be required comply with mental health professionals.

Who have promised not to cluck at him.

 

 



...

...

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*